Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I Call This Part of My Life "A Mess"

This year, I look at my life and wonder how January became April. How is it possible that I am only two months away from completing this first year of teaching? This week has been one of those weeks where you say to yourself, "How did Monday become today?" You have so much to do and are so wrapped up it in, and then one day you look around, in my case my bedroom, and see what a mess life has become.

The most evident sign that I have let my life become a mess is my laundry basket. When I get to the point that I cannot decide which clothes are actually dirty and toss them on the floor until I "have time" to decide to hang them up or wash them, and then discover that I cannot see any part of my room but the clothes covering it...I begin to realize that my life has become a mess.

Then, I decide to at least make my life appear like it is not as big of a mess so that I can cope for a little longer until I actually do my laundry. I pick up the clothes and put them in the basket and decide to hang a few very wrinkled ones up. My room instantly looks much more put together than when I began and I feel much more capable in the short time that it took.  Now, I just have make the time to wash the laundry.

I am like this in many other areas of my life too.  I get so focused on the immediate things that I put everything else on hold until I have time to take care of it.  But this strategy always leaves me with the same cycle of messiness and put-togetherness. All I can do is pick up the clothes and get them in the hamper until I am ready to take them out and give them the time and attention they need.

Ideally, I would not let things get that way, maybe someday I will get to the point where I wash the clothes before they build up too much, file the papers as I get them instead of stacking them, putting my receipts in quicken as I go so I know how much money I don't have, facing whatever pain I feel instead of running away from it, embracing who I am instead of trying to change everything at once.

I have been slightly sick for about two weeks now, on and off sore throat, congestion, many headaches, minor allergy symptoms, etc., but I have not complained, I have worked harder and slept as much as I could and smiled as much as I could.  Sometimes, all we need is to just straighten things up a bit, knowing that the time will come when we will make time to take care of them, and resting in the peace of knowing that if it does not get done, then it could not be THAT important anyway.

At times likes these, when my life looks and is a mess, I ask myself, as prompted by my good friend, "What am I going to do about it?"  If I cannot do anything about it at the moment, why worry?  If I can then I should get moving...

No comments: